A lighthouse of truth next to an ocean of conservative bias that laps up on the shores of a rocky coast of Republican lies.

Location: Portland, Oregon, United States

Born in a laundromat in Scottsdale, Arizona, I moved to Portland in 1983 so my parents could work on the local Mondale/Ferraro campaign.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Did Colbert kill a panda? His silence speaks volumes.

In February of 2005, conservative blowhard Stephen Colbert insinuated that he may have killed at least one panda. I have sent CBS Corporation (the company that owns Viacom, which airs Mr. Colbert's program) the following letter:
CBS Corporation
51 West 52nd Street
New York, NY 10019

Dear Sir or Madam:
Stephen Colbert, host of The Colbert Report, may have killed a panda. If this is true, it is clear that Mr. Colbert is in direct violation of Article 7 United States Code, Sections 2131-2159 which probably states, "[P]eople aren't allowed to kill pandas." I urge you to take whatever disciplinary steps I deem necessary, including but not limited to, removing Mr. Colbert from your programming.
Thank you.
Benjamin Diebold

Although I sent this letter over TWO HOURS ago, neither CBS, Viacom, or Mr. Colbert have responded. What are they trying to hide? Perhaps their silence on the issue stems from the possibility that Stephen Colbert really DID kill a panda. Although I don't have any actual evidence, I dare you to find evidence that he DIDN'T kill a panda. Consider this: Mr. Colbert hails from the red state of North Carolina. According to the North Carolina Zoo's website, they do not have a panda on display. I'm guessing that's because Mr. Colbert killed it. Stephen Colbert's irrational fear of bears must be stopped, especially when it comes to killing them. I mean, what are there, like 200 of those things left?


Blogger Brian said...

Benjamin, thank God for your blog (wow! that's almost a rhyme, maybe even a haiku). I too watch the Colbert Report almost every night, if there isn't a Best of Bill O'Reilly special on Fox, and I'm becoming increasingly disturbed by his bearophobia.

I mean, our country is at war. The Islamic crazies are even attacking cartoons now. Will the Oregonian stop publishing the comics page out of political correctness? Could be.

Yet Colbert remains focused on bears, who can't be in the top 10 threats to our Way of Life (eleven or twelve, maybe; I just watched "Grizzly Man" and the ending wasn't pretty; hopefully Colbert won't see this movie or bears will never hear the end of it).

I'll be telling folks about your blog on my own humble shrine to truthiness:

God bless ColbertWatch.

11:23 AM  
Blogger Logical Thinker said...

Dear God...Are you serious. Pleeeeeeease tell me this is a joke. THE WORLD IS ENDING!!!!
You're an idiot. The show is aired on COMEDY CENTRAL. It is a comedy show, nothing more. Everything he says is a joke. The point of the show is to get laughs. He is not even biased the way his character is on the show. He is an actor. Get over it and start worrying about something REAL.

5:46 PM  
Blogger Logical Thinker said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5:46 PM  
Blogger youredumb said...

JESUS H. CHRIST, ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?! wow, usually when i say people have too much time on their hands, i refer to people doing funny stuff. seriously, im concerned for your health ben. if I had my way, I'd give you a nice, hot, steaming cup of SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

12:37 PM  
Blogger youredumb said...

Hmmmm... perhaps you have a record as a panda killer. We wouldn't want that to get out, now would we?!? but you are from Oregon. and we all know what theyre all about.

12:40 PM  
Blogger Angry Mind said...

First off, we need a panda census asap so we can track possible panda killings in real-time.

Second, I roundly disagree with logicalthinker (sic) and youredumb (takes one to know one) that the Colbert Report is some kind of comedy show or parody showing up and poking fun at the absurdity of right-wing pundity. The right-wing noise machine has forced every major media outlet to seek "balance" by allowing GOP/conservative commerce free rein to lie regularly on their broadcasts. Clearly, in the current media climate the Colbert Report represents Comedy Central's attempt to appease wing-nut conservatives' claims of bias at the network. I salute you efforts to hold Mr. Colbert and his network accountable.

Regarding the panda census: I checked out the panda web cam at the national zoo in Washington. IT DOES NOT SEEM TO BE WORKING? Another panda killing? You be the judge.

The panda cam at the San Diego is working and the panda appears safe and healthy--saints be praised. I will continue to monitor the situation and report back on any killings.

Keep up the good work.

7:55 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

At last a voice of reason against that sneaky sinister Colbert. I've been concerned about his continued spreading of bear hatred for quite some time. Bear zapper! - Katbear

1:58 PM  
Blogger Kat said...

I would like to address some of the commentators on this site. Yes the Colbert Report uses comedy in its reportage. But are you trying to tell me that Steven Colbert isn't out to get bears? It's dead serious. If you were a bear, you'd understand. - Katbear

p.s. Thank god that panda in San Diego is still alive. Thanks for your vigilance, Angry Mind

2:06 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home